Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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