I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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