plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
soo... how was my night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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