I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my shit smells like andre
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize