In the future we'll all be gay
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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