I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize