ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you inspire me to be a worse person
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
