The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
