some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
