tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
