Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
