Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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