Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
