it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
