Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
