he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
