think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
