babies were throwing up all over the place
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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