Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
