Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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