no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
