I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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