im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
