Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
