and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
