you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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