the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
