I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
