I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
