I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
