If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
