eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You're earring is so big in my mouth
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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