Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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