i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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