Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize