So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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