no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
