I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
