if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
