dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
