Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
