I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
