i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize