sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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