You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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