Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
