you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I supernannyed him into submission
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
