Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
