Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
