I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
