could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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