So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
