JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
