this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
