If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
