goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
