Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
