My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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