i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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