no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
