Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
