Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
