im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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