I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
