I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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