i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
