Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
