Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize