So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
