Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
