you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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