I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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