Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
