Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
