ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
