This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
