He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
