Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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