My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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