sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
