I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
