THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
