go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
