can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
