I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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