I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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