So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
