Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
