I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
