the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
