Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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