You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please come you make the beer taste better
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
